By littledivaparties, Sep 17 2020 12:37PM
My daughter is a grudge holder, If you upset her she won’t speak to you for days.
If its someone from school she won’t talk to them for weeks or even months. She never could see what I saw and that was she was keeping hold of that tiny bit of anger by holding a grudge and I could see it was affecting her.
Even if she couldn’t see it, she would say things like no I’m not playing there because I’m not speaking to them, they did this or that and it went on. I needed to give her a way to feel hurt and angry in that moment and know what was ok but then holding onto a tiny piece of that feeling was bad for her. Journaling became my solution.
I had tried to get my daughter to journal a few times and like a typical teenager she didn’t want to try anything new but please be persistent with it and try offering it a variety of ways.
Journaling helps older children and teens to
• Explore and identify emotions1
• Feel anger
• Express fear
• Examine the pros and cons of something in order to be more decisive
• Look more carefully at her thoughts about something after the immediate situation has passed
• Gain some insight into her own and other people's motives2
• See the positives as well as the negatives
• Plan out difficult conversations ahead
Rather than spouting their anger out all over social media or continuing the anger and upset the following days at school, Journaling will allow them to feel angry and write it all out and then let it go. That is the key point to all of this and make sure to explain that. The whole reason were getting this out our heads is to move on.
Keeping even just a tiny bit of that anger inside is only affecting them. Not the other person they will have moved on from it but it stays within them and becomes a grudge and becomes emotional baggage they carry out with them and its effecting them only, nobody else.
Journaling doesn’t just have to be for bad times either, it should be for all things of fun, excitement, joy, new friendships, achievements because its about the exploring of their emotions and processing them.
Kids that will learn to process their emotions will become strong minded
Kids who understand their emotions and have the coping skills to deal with them will be confident that they can handle whatever life throws their way.
Lets be real isn’t that why we are parenting them in the first place?
To grow to be well rounded adults that wont crumble at the first sign of something going wrong.
Please give this a try with your children, we would love to know how you get on.